


Chained to Earth

by Saphistar



Category: Naruto
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-05 19:50:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20494373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saphistar/pseuds/Saphistar
Summary: Rin had survived the Raikiri, the first and only to ever do so. Her sacrifice had failed, denied the release of death, but the beast within demanded she live and it was Kakashi’s duty to ensure it never breached the seal. Could Rin ever forgive him for turning her into little more than a monster? Perhaps it was time to discover if the true monster was her beast within, or herself and what it meant to be a jinchuriki.





	1. Strangers

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings:  
Mentions of PTSD and depression are in this story.  
Strong violence, gore and death will also be present as well as strong language and sexual themes and situations.  
Discretion is advised.

She never slept anymore.

Or at least Rin couldn’t recall the last time she had risen from her bed feeling rested in any sense of the term.

No longer waking peacefully to sunlight piercing the shadows of her room, but forever cursed to a life of debilitating insomnia as she dreaded the birth of a new day. Rin’s entire existence was one enormous niggling headache she simply couldn’t shake since that one fateful day she should have perished at the hand of her best friend.

Swallowing hard, Rin tried not to dwell on it, _tried _being the operative word of the month, year, hell the past decade or so. It was with a wince as she sat idly on the futon, her head resting against bent knees and staring disinterestedly out of the window that she suddenly contemplated just how long it had been since the seal had been placed.

Twenty years.

Twenty long years of sleeplessness, migraines and crippling loneliness. Everything had changed and each day had slowly merged into one long continuous and miserable struggle against a force she had little to no power over.

She had become a prisoner in her own mind and try as she might Rin struggled to recall when this simply hadn’t been the case.

When had been the last time she’d felt truly at ease?

When was the last time she had felt _happy_?

She simply couldn’t remember.

As the sun rose slowly over the cluttered rooftops and into Konoha’s sky, splashed with faint stains of fresh summer clouds, Rin thought listlessly if it was worth showering today. Her hair was greasy; slicked to her face in long, grimy strands and her bed clothes were starting to hang from her body. But no one else cared, no one else bothered to even notice her anymore so where was the point in washing? Why give a shit if no one else did?

There was nothing particularly special about today, but it was time to visit _him_; the man who had once been her friend, the object of her unwavering desire back in a time now lost to memory.

By the Gods, she _hated_ him.

The mere thought of being in the same room as Hatake Kakashi made her feel sick to her stomach, so much so that she screwed a thin hand into the fabric of her night shirt in a frail attempt to quell the nausea. Rin had loved him once, _fiercely_, but the fantasy of becoming Kakashi’s bride had quickly melted into a sludgy nightmare as she began to resent him for damning her to this life she no longer led, but merely ghosted through. Living simply wasn’t the same as existing.

He had denied her the freedom to choose.

The freedom of death.

Rin needed her seal tending to, she could feel the beasts power beginning to seep back into her veins and the seal Kakashi had given her to contain it was weak; the supernova buried so deep inside of her bound with little more than thread and every now and again that thread needed tightening.

Supposedly the will of the seal was only as strong as her own will to keep it locked. Rin couldn’t help but feel that her eagerness to maintain the seal was about as strong as her keenness to merely wash her hair, and that lessened each and every waking hour.

The least she could do was dress herself, and it was with a heavy, defeated sigh that she resided herself to the task of rummaging through the clutter in her box of a home for something decent enough to be seen out in the public eye in.

Showering could wait for another day.

* * *

It hadn’t always been like this.

The change had happened gradually over the past two decades.

Rin came to him at the usual time that month and - as usual - said nothing, stinking of body odour and cigarettes. As always, Kakashi had tried to make small talk - asked how she was feeling, if she’d eaten, what she’d been up to that month since he’d seen her last - and all were met with a stony silence and a hateful glare before she mutely made her way to the gurney he’d prepared in front of the veranda doors in the far side of his tiny apartment.

Kakashi had originally held these meetings in the Hokage Tower in the centre of the village, but prying eyes and loud mouths made Rin nervous. He thought it a kindness to move the sealing procedures in a more private location. Not that this made any real difference. She was edgy, sullen and visibly uncomfortable, even here. Kakashi had long surmised that the location was not the issue; it was him.

It hadn’t always been like this.

He probably shouldn’t have been shocked by her reluctance to make even simple conversation, least of all with him; not only was he aware that she blamed him for her bleak existence, but he was also guilty of avoiding her when he could.

It wasn’t that he didn’t care, quite the opposite. There wasn’t a moment in any day that Rin didn’t enter his thoughts, but he was afraid. Afraid of making things much worse than they already were. It was better for the both of them if he kept his distance, wasn’t it…?

He didn’t push his feeble need for conversation with this woman he no longer knew. But he had known her once and he watched – despondent - as this complete stranger, so thin, filthy and with no care for her own well being, positioned herself on the cot, and Kakashi contemplated just how much Rin had changed over the years since that awful, fateful day.

It hadn’t always been like this.

Kakashi meandered over to the gurney as Rin lifted her oversized shirt – which was just as dirty as she was – so the hem was tucked just beneath the breasts. Just enough so that he could see the scar that reached from the old wound in her chest down to her navel – a thick tangle of charred, poorly healed flesh scorched into her body by his own hand. She didn’t look burned as a burn would seem to his eye, she looked broken, shattered like glass. Kakashi remembered the day vividly, as though it happened mere moments ago, the crackle of electricity in the air, the sweat beading on his cheek, the sound of someone screaming not realising that it was his own voice he could hear, the look of betrayal in her eyes.

She’d put herself there.

And she hated him for that.

He pushed the memory to the back of his head, burying it deep into the archival labyrinth of his mind as he prepared the hand signs to perform yet another seal to keep her beast at bay.

“You should take better care of yourself, Rin,” he said dully, not daring to look away from his own hands as he placed them over her abdomen and watched the symbols rise from beneath her skin, like mould. He felt her flinch beneath his touch, a motion of revulsion; Kakashi knew that much at least.

“Thanks for the advice, _Dad_.”

Her tone was low but vicious, but was it strange – despite her aggression – that Kakashi actually felt a little relief at the sound of her voice? Rin hadn’t even bothered to look at him when she responded, instead choosing to stare out of the bay window as he performed his duty to her.

It was over in mere minutes, a simple, painless procedure that secured Rin as a viable jinchuuriki for the next four weeks or so; though this time frame was gradually becoming shorter and shorter over the years. It seemed her will to maintain her own seal was wearing thin.

As the man who had performed the original deadlock seal it was his task to maintain it, though – just like the seal used to contain Sasuke’s curse mark all of those years ago, it was only as strong as Rin willed it to be. Kakashi was actually surprised, given how little care she gave to herself nowadays, that the charm was holding as long as it was.

Kakashi lingered, only for a moment, with his hand pressed against her belly, contemplating how frail she looked, studying the hideous scar he’d given her when she’s jumped in front of an attack not meant for her.

_And she hated him for that. _

She resented him for supposedly denying her sacrifice, not that there had been any need to die. Kakashi had proven that to her now, surely, he had.

He moved away eventually, his hands dropping to his sides and allowed her to get to her feet before she stalked past him, making sure she barged him out of the way with her shoulder.

“Is this how it’s gonna be now, Rin?” he asked tersely, not quite registering the words until they’d passed his lips, watching her make her brisk exit.

Kakashi didn’t expect her to stop, but she did, dead in her tracks, her back to him in the dimly lit room and the air suddenly thickened as she turned her head to face him. The look she gave him sent a shiver up his spine, his flesh tightening sickeningly around his bones.

Her eyes were dark and radiated a heated loathing, like nothing he’d ever seen from her before, from this woman who had once been his closest friend, and he swallowed hard behind the mask concealing his face, hoping against hope she couldn’t physically see the dread tying his gut in knots.

The atmosphere was palpable and Kakashi could feel a cold sweat beginning to bead on his forehead as he prepared for an onslaught, but any abuse she had in store for him simply didn’t come as she slowly turned back towards the door and left the room, not bothering to close the door behind her.

Kakashi stood in that same spot, staring at the light beaming in through the threshold for what seemed like an age, pondering the events that had just taken place. He’d never asked her that question before, had never given heed to their situation after her visits; it seemed his patience with her was running on fumes.

But still, he couldn’t help but wish that things were different, that things were how they used to be. They had survived the loss of Obito, the loss of their beloved sensei and yet this was what it had all boiled down to.

He couldn’t take much more of her rejection, he was done being swatted away like an annoying insect.

Perhaps it was time to take this matter into his own two destructive hands.


	2. Brutal Reform

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Descriptions of hoarding behaviour

The events from that morning had left an indelible mark on Kakashi’s mind, so much so that he simply couldn’t focus on much else. His work in the Jonin offices – simple filing and writing mission briefings from potential clients - was a chore at best but made especially tedious given his current mood; he couldn’t quite remember the last time he had felt so agitated. Not even Naruto and Sasuke’s behaviour had irked him to this degree, and that was saying something.

Rin had been a difficult person for a while, there was no doubt about that, though that change had happened gradually over the last two decades. It seemed the pressure of being a jinchuuriki to the three tails had taken its toll on her. Or perhaps there was something else going on.

The events of that fateful day were always fresh in his memory – the day Rin _should_ have died - an ever-waking nightmare branded into their lives. Not a mere scar, but a gaping wound that continued to weep no matter how one attempted to dress it up. But still, Kakashi had done his best since then, hadn’t he? Being tasked as Rin’s pseudo care giver the pair had rarely been apart; both recruited to the ANBU as a unit and adjusting to life being practically joined at the hip, they had made a good team – once upon a time.

It was after being taken from the ANBU and thrust into the occupation of teaching young genin the way of the Shinobi that the cracks had truly started to show. Rin held very little patience for her students – a trait Kakashi had deemed very out of character for her at the time - and failed one hundred percent of her applicants for silly reasons and usually very quickly. It was apparent that the life of a tutor simply was not for her and it was after then that Rin began shutting herself away from the outside world.

Rin felt she had failed as a sensei, so she had simply stopped trying at all.

Kakashi had his suspicions that her title of Sensei was a heavy burden to bear; she struggled to take responsibility for the actions of others, and it wasn’t long until her patience even with him started to wear drastically thin.

And he’d stood by and idly let her slip through his fingers.

There was no instance of a falling out, but gradually, over time, they’d ceased communicating. Rin’s demeanour deteriorated to the point where he was quite certain she was beginning to hate him. Perhaps it was the constant reminder of what he’d done to her way back when; the visible scar he’d left behind on her chest. He could still feel his hand slicing through her torso, could still feel the rapid beating of her heart against his skin and that foul stench of scorched flesh as she gazed at him with those dark betrayed eyes.

She’d put herself there, stood directly in his path and accepted an attack that wasn’t meant for her, an attack that was meant to protect them both from the enemy who saw fit to use her as a weapon. The fact that his jutsu didn’t obliterate her was nothing short of a miracle, but even he knew that her survival lay with the three tailed beast sealed inside of her.

Still, none of this resonated well with Kakashi, was there any justification for the way she treated him now? Had he done or said something so terrible that she chose to barely acknowledge his existence?

He needed to know, and his thirst for that knowledge was leaving him parched.

The sun was beginning to sink back into the horizon by the time he’d finished his office duties, and Kakashi thundered through the back streets of the village towards Konoha’s far south; the rather run-down area, or the Are-ato district as the locals liked to call it. A shamble of old buildings ravaged by previous wars in which any funding for rebuilding projects was unable to reach.

It would have been easier to take to the rooftops, but there was a chance Rin would see him coming from that vantage point, making his way through the shadowed alleys between the tower blocks provided the perfect camouflage from prying eyes, especially in this part of town. If he knew Rin at all, then taking her by surprise would be the best way to gain entrance to her abode.

He’d played the scenario through his mind time and time again during the day; turn up at her place and simply hash it out. They were friends once so why couldn’t that be the case a second time? He knew she needed him, if only to retune the seal as and when she needed it. But he needed her too, that one single constant in his otherwise solitary life, though he didn’t like to admit it he damn well knew it.

They needed each other, there were no two ways about that.

Kakashi knew where she lived, had known for a long time through basic info gathering but not once had she ever invited him there. Little did he know he was about to find out why.

It took no time to ascend the stairway to the dilapidated building on the far side of the village, his long legs striding the steps at least three at a time to reach the fifth floor, a pleasant ache filtering through the muscles with each step. He was on a mission and may the Hokage help whoever decided to step in his way.

Finally he reached her apartment and Kakashi pounded his fist against the door, not much caring that he could very well be rattling the cages of almost everyone else who lived on this floor. There was no answer at first, so he beat it again, harder this time with the heal of his hand, his jaw clenched with the anticipation of the inevitable fight that was to come with his mere presence.

Eventually the door, an ancient brittle thing covered in flaky white paint, opened with a groan of old wood on rusted hinges, and a meek looking Rin - still unkempt, still stinking - peered from within. She didn’t greet him, he didn’t give her the chance to, as he forced his way inside knocking Rin back into the dark room with a harsh shunt of his shoulder against her chest.

“Wha-what are you doing?!” She squalled, her voice raspy and spiteful not that Kakashi answered her at all, his attention was being consumed by the mere sight of the mess Rin was choosing to live in. It was difficult to take in; just junk - stuff - _everywhere. _The floor, the sofa, bed, _everything _was littered with just… junk. Food wrappers, dirty dishes, soiled clothes, there was no clear space within the small box apartment to even place one’s feet. The place looked so small, so cramped and dark, dingy, and the _smell_.

Kakashi forced himself to gulp down the air in the room – stagnant and foul – albeit with the back of a gloved hand pressed against his nose. When had it gotten so bad? How could he not have known that this was how she was living her life? In this… this _mess_. The sight of it was jarring to say the very least. No wonder she had never invited him to this place.

“Get out! Get out now!” Rin squealed, finally getting his attention as he turned his head on his neck and glared at her for the corner of his only visible eye; angry with her for letting her life get so out of control, angry at himself for not seeing this coming, angry that he had stood by and allowed this to happen.

“What…?” He couldn’t speak, still in a disgusted awe as to what he was seeing, his senses consumed by the sheer gravity of the chaos in the room; anyone would think a hurricane had wasted the entire place. “… what the _hell_ happened here, Rin?”

“That’s none of your business! You’re not welcome, now leave!”

“No!”

His defiance seemed to catch her off guard if only for a second before her brow furrowed in a vicious scowl while she stood there and held the door open. He would not leave, not until he’d gotten the answers, he truly believed he deserved from her.

“I’m done!” He yelled back, striding back towards her and feeling the crap beneath his feet rustling and crunching under his weight. “I’m done being your emotional punch bag, Rin!”

She didn’t answer, even as he shoved a pointed finger in her face, she didn’t even flinch, instead she just fixed him with that vile, nasty glare from beneath her dark bangs.

“From now on we’re doing things _my_ way! You hear me?!”

Rin scoffed at that, seemingly genuinely amused by his sudden outburst. “_Your_ way? Just who do you think you’re talking to?”

He lowered his hand back to his side, the anger in his gullet frothing into his throat, but he didn’t break eye contact with her, and he chose to answer as calmly as he could, his voice a steady drawl.

“I have absolutely no idea.” It wasn’t a lie. This person stood in front of him was not the Rin he knew. She was stranger, had been for years.

Her scowl deepened at that and the pair of them stood almost toe to toe as Kakashi contemplated his next move. The atmosphere was palpable, thick enough to slice with a knife and the moments trudged by as the pair of them contemplated one another.

“What do you want?” Rin eventually hissed through barred teeth, finally relinquishing her grip on the door and allowing it to gently swing to.

“What I want…” he started, careful not to raise his voice again, to not allow the emotion to dictate his mannerisms yet even this was getting the better of him, but a screaming match was the last thing either of them really needed right now. “… is to grab you by both shoulders and shake some sense into you!”

Her expression didn’t change, even as he held out his hands as if to present to her the area in which she had been living for at least the last five years.

“Look at this place! Look at you! You’re filthy! What in the world has happened to you?!”

“No one asked you to come here, Kakashi. If you don’t like what you see, then just go!”

“Not until you tell me what’s going on!”

“There’s nothing going on! Even if there was, I wouldn’t tell you!”

Kakashi couldn’t help the laugh that left his mouth at her words. Of course, something was going on, it had been _going on_ for years now but neither of them had had enough about them to actually _do _anything about it, until now at least.

He crossed a single arm over his chest, while pinching his brow with the other hand and expelling an exasperated sigh. How long had it been since the two of them had engaged in civil conversation, how long since the last time they had truly conversed at all? He couldn’t even remember; how sad it was.

“I think I deserve some answers, Rin, don’t you?”

“And why do you deserve that, Kakashi?”

“After everything I’ve done for you…” He was cut short when Rin thrust a closed fist against the door, slamming the thing shut and all but rocking the entire building in its foundations. Bits of plaster fell from somewhere in the room behind him and landed in the mess already littering the floor. A mess that paired rather well with the supposed chaotic mind of the girl stood in front of him, head hung low on her shoulders, an arm outstretched and straining against the door.

“All you’ve done for _me_?” she snarled before lifting her head slowly and fixing him again with those angry dark eyes.

“Was that before or after you drove your hand through my chest?”

The question froze in his blood. He remembered the day well, and Rin knew more than anyone who that attack was truly meant for, she knew more than anyone that it was she who’d tried to sacrifice herself for the good of the village – albeit needlessly – by putting herself in harms way. She knew how he blamed himself for her scar and here she was using that guilt against him. Maybe this _was_ his fault, but before he could continue to overthink the situation, she piped up again.

“Was that before or after you damned me a jinchuuriki?!”

“Rin, I…”

“Shut up, Kakashi! Shut your **_damn_**_ mouth_!”

She was almost screaming, almost but not quite but her sheer volume, her fury rendered him silent for the moment, a silence so deafening he could hear his own pulse throbbing in his temples. It was astonishing that not only was she blaming him for the scar – though in his minds eye this was more than justified – but she was holding him responsible for her fate of being a living vessel for the three tailed beast. This, Kakashi simply could not abide.

Kakashi tilted his head, slowly, fixing her again with a sideways glance and glowering at her from beneath a silver brow, “How _dare_ you blame me for that.”

“How dare I? _How dare I_?!” She was yelling again, her voice piercing enough to make Kakashi wince, though he stood solid to his spot on the cluttered floor, watching Rin flail her hands wildly in her anger.

“How dare _you_! You come here uninvited, barge into my home and start drilling me about how to live my life? Who died and made you the_ fucking_ Hokage?!”

He didn’t answer, didn’t see the point of attempting to reason with her at this point as it seemed the spat was beginning to come to the boil. He’d quickly allowed this whole situation to get away from him and he chewed on his cheek if only in an attempt not to allow himself to snap back. It was a battle he was very quickly losing.

“I don’t know who you think you are, Kakashi.

“Obito was right about you! I mean you’ve always thought you were better than everyone else, holding yourself like you’re some kind of fucking royalty.

“Well, you’re not! You’re nothing! _Nothing_! I hate you for what you’ve done to me! _I hate you_! I should be dead but because of you I’m here in this dump of a village living in your fucking shadow!”

The snap was audible, a flash of pain shot through Kakashi’s head like an arrow and it propelled him forward as he reached out and twisted a hand into the collar of Rin’s filthy shirt. He wrenched her body towards him, shoving his face into hers. It disturbed him a little just how much pleasure he took in her distress at that point - her eyes so wide he feared they would simply drop out of her skull - and the whimper she emitted as she wrapped her hands around his wrist in a feeble attempt to dislodge his grip on her shirt.

Needless to say it was clear she didn’t think her cruel words would garner such a response from him, the ever cool, collected and aloof Copy-cat Ninja of the Leaf. But he simply couldn’t listen to her anymore.

“Obito knew nothing about me, and by the sounds of it, neither do you!” He started viciously. “And you’re right, you _should_ be dead, why you aren’t is a mystery to me, there’s no way on this planet you should have survived! But I can assure you, Rin, I am not the reason why you’re still here!”

Her eyes widened still at that remark, she looked hurt, distraught even, that he could ever say such things, but she needed to hear it. Basic first aid was all Kakashi knew, there was no way in heaven or earth he could have healed the injuries he’d inflicted on her that day. Fate hadn’t finished with her yet, the beast within wanted to live.

“Blame me for attacking you, I don’t even care anymore, I’ve made peace with my failings that day. But don’t you ever, _ever_ place fault at my door for that monster inside of you. Don’t you _ever_!”

Rin didn’t respond as such, choosing instead to simply glare at him and feebly try to escape his grasp by twisting her hands around his arm. He let her go with a quick shunt of his hand which sent Rin stumbling back towards the door.

Kakashi took another look around the room as Rin regained her footing, now feeling utterly unable to cope with the chaos and being fuelled by the anger awakened within him by this once sweet gentle soul stood before him. There was an empty plastic bag slung next to the sofa and Kakashi wasted little time snatching it up and beginning to shove the items of rubbish from the couch into it, much to Rin’s dismay. But if she was unwilling to do it, to regain a much-needed order in her dark life, then it seemed that he would have to do it for her.

“What are you doing? Stop! Stop it!!” She squealed, throwing her body onto his back seemingly in a desperate attempt to pull him away from his task. But he simply shrugged her off, causing Rin to fall back onto the couch with a soft, pained grunt.

“Why are you doing this?! Why don’t you just leave me alone?!” she shrieked again though not bothering to get to her feet this time, but her question caused Kakashi to drop the bag at his feet and turn back towards her, his fury still raging inside of his gut. The words left him before he’d even allowed his brain to really register what he was saying.

“Because I care about you! I’ve lost so much, I can’t lose you too!”

The mood in the air suddenly changed then, Rin looked at him almost as though she had never seen him before in her life and it was then that he wondered when she had last heard anything quite like that from anyone. But with the atmosphere now easing in the tiny apartment his anger began to dissolve with it.

“I care so much and you’ve just shut me out, I don’t understand it. What have I done, Rin? Tell me? Because whatever it is I am so _desperately_ sorry.”

Rin was looking at her feet now, shoulders hunched; defeated.

“Nothing. You haven’t done anything,” was all she uttered before she eventually lowered herself to the messy floor, slowly on shaky knees, gently tugging the bag towards her and feebly placing things into it.

Kakashi watched for a moment as Rin feebly attempted the task he’d started; it seemed the message had gotten through to her, though her head was bowed, her hair hanging in long filthy sheets towards her feet. She was so thin, so frail… how had things gotten so bad? When had it all started to go so terribly wrong?

He didn’t know, just then the pang of guilt for grabbing her the way he had sliced through his stomach and forced him to join her, there on the cluttered floorboards.

“Rin…” the sound of his voice, though soft, startled her, forcing her to lift her head briskly and look at him with those dark, exhausted eyes. It was the first time, in a very long time that he’d had the opportunity to look at her, to study her face, to truly see in her eyes what was going through that confused, lost and angry mind of hers.

She was afraid.

As he had been for all these years.

She was afraid and struggling to cope on her own. Kakashi felt then that he should have done more, to not let her shut him out, to hide away from the world, but with the fear of making a bad situation worse he’d let it happen. Hindsight was indeed a very beautiful thing.

“I want to help you.”

He placed a hand on her arm, and much to his surprise she didn’t recoil even has he allowed his thumb to gently rub over the round of her shoulder. There was a light behind those brown irises then, a glimmer of the old Rin, of the sweet girl who would have given him the shirt off of her back if she thought it could help.

She was there, somewhere from way back in the days when the two of them had nothing but each other.

How he missed her.

By the Gods he missed her.

“Let me help you… please?”

Rin lowered her gaze eventually, seeming had her fill of examining his face for what, Kakashi didn’t quite know. And that was when the emotion overcame her, mouth opening in a silent cry and her eyes squeezing shut as the tears ran down her face leaving clean streaks in their wake.

Kakashi took a chance then, shifting his body a little closer and pulling the girl he had once knew so well into a firm embrace realising now that even she hadn’t known just how life had run away from her.

Even she didn’t know.

* * *

He’d made her take a shower, though there weren’t any clean clothes in the place to be worn aft the fact it still felt nice to wash the grime from her body, plus the time spent beneath the water gave her some much needed time to think. Time to at least attempt to organise her addled mind and make some sense of the day’s events.

Perhaps it was a good thing that Kakashi was here, fair enough she needed him to tend to her occasionally, but she’d honestly believed she was doing fine by herself. The sudden realisation that she was becoming so self-destructive made it very apparent that this simply wasn’t the case. How had she grown so blind to the state of her home, herself, her life? Everything was in absolute devastation and she hadn’t even seen it for all this time.

The embarrassment started to sink in at that moment, her flesh tightened around her bones and she began to feel cold even beneath the heat of the water. Silently she hoped Kakashi wouldn’t speak about what he’d seen to anyone, though in her heart of hearts she knew she could trust his discretion. He held a strong distaste for gossip so it was unlikely he would want to start any.

Eventually, Rin shut off the shower, allowing herself to simply stand in the shower and feel the chill of the evening touching her skin. It felt good, it felt good to feel something other than that debilitating ache in her chest. Kakashi was there, he’d told her he actually cared and try as she might she couldn’t help but believe his words, him being a man of very few at best.

Rin hadn’t truly meant the vicious words she’d spouted earlier, but the anger of Kakashi’s intrusion had gotten the better of her. She knew, better than even him, that he couldn’t have saved her from the Raikiri, and she knew exactly who had placed the beast inside of her, Minato Sensei had seen that the Mist nin involved met a fitting fate.

Her issue was there was no one left alive to blame, Kakashi had been the next best thing and she truly regretted that. It wasn’t fair to lay blame on him for something he had no control over. Perhaps it truly was time to start letting it all go.

After patting herself down with the cleanest towel she had and reapplying the bind that covered her scar, Rin allowed the oversized shirt Kakashi had given her off of his own back to slip over her form. He was much taller than she was and so the shirt dwarfed her and hung just above the knee. A perfect night shirt if ever there was one, and instead of stinking of her (not that she could even smell herself at this point) and her rotten house, it had an earthy scent to it, like stormy weather in the late summer. She stood there for a moment or two, the fabric pressed against her nose as she breathed it in, that wonderful ozone smell along with a subtle hint of vanilla soap.

Rin couldn’t even recall the last time she had worn something so fresh, so clean, and it truly felt glorious. It was at times like these, as fleeting and few as they were that Rin realised just how thankful she should be to have someone like Kakashi looking out for her. He was right when all was said and done. He had done a lot for her over the years and she owed him a lot.

She should thank him at least, and it was with that thought that she made her way back into the main room of the apartment.

She stood in the doorway, watching her old friend still sifting through the garbage with his foot, bag in hand and clearly with no clue on where to start and what actually needed throwing out. Rin took the time to look around herself, truly look as though this was the first time actually seeing what Kakashi saw the moment he’d forced his way back into her life.

The place was disgusting, after years of simply not caring for herself this mess was what had become of her once humble but pretty little home. She started to miss the clear clean floorboards and the hanging baskets by the window. Clean fresh bed linen and clothes drying on the line. Simple things; it was the simple things that really mattered, and she wanted them again.

She craved normality, that much was certain.

“I’ll take that,” Rin uttered reaching for the bag Kakashi held in his hand. He looked at her with that lone eye of his, quizzically at first before he eventually allowed her to take the bag from him.

“Rin, I can help if…” Kakashi started but she cut him off with a raised hand and a slow shake to her head.

“I think you’ve done enough for today,” was all she said, blandly yet offering him a weak smile to show her comment wasn’t meant in malice.

There was a moment of silence between them, as though an impasse had been reached and neither knew how to progress past it. She simply stood leaning against the frame of the bathroom door and Kakashi stood awkwardly amongst the shambles of the main room, his weight shifting listlessly from one foot to the other.

“Rin,” he sighed, an agitated sound before he chose to continue, “You shouldn’t stay here. I have a spare futon. We can come back tomorrow and work on this together.”

Rin grimaced at the idea. Kakashi’s apartment was clean and neat, nothing out of place. But to her it wasn’t home, it was a place of unbridled anxiety and self-torment. If she was honest with herself, that was possibly the last place she wanted to be.

“Thanks for the offer but I think I’ll stay here.”

“But…”

“Kakashi, I know it doesn’t meet your standards right now, but this is my home…” She hunched her shoulders, allowing her hands to enjoy the soft sensation of Kakashi’s shirt as she ran them up the sleeves. “… I feel safe here, you know?”

He wasn’t satisfied with her answer, even in the dim artificial light in the room she could see the shadow of his concealed mouth twist distastefully. Even so he nodded only once and began to trudge through the mess towards the door.

“I’ll come by tomorrow with some fresh linen.” He looked at her then, a stern glint to his lone eye. “I won’t take no for an answer.”

“Thanks… Kakashi. I appreciate it.”

With that he left, and Rin stood there still leaning against the doorway to her bathroom listening to his footsteps as they grew fainter until she could no longer hear them.

She never did apologise…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Are-ato: Japanese term for ruins

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I'd had this idea in my head for a while and really just want to get it out of my head! Please leave kudo's and a little comment if you liked it so far! Thank you!


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